Scars
by royaigarbage
Summary: Guilt consumes Roy, and all he wants is to say sorry.


Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood or any of the characters.

My jacket rests on the back of my chair as i continue to work. I'm beginning to wish I had worn pajamas rather than my usual black turtleneck. I hold back a yawn, looking at the clock to see that it's almost midnight... and the colonel and I are still at the office.

"Hey, colonel, are you almost ready to leave?" I ask.

"Yes, I just- I can't find the words... to express my gratitude for everyone. I've been here since the crack of dawn writing thank you notes. But I can't find the words to write for this last one."

"Can I help at all?"

He gives me a tired smile before replying, "I don't think so. Not for this one."

"Well," I begin, "who's it too?"

"Someone who saved my life last week. And walked through hell and back with me. I owe my life to her."

I suck in a deep breath, practically speechless.

"Well, I don't think you need to say or write anything. She knows, sir. She knows." I whisper.

"You don't understand, I also want to apologize. I've always been bad at that, but I- I need to."

I give him a quizzical look, "May I ask what for sir?"

"I've hurt her. I've hurt the one thing in my life that keeps me steady and grounded." He says, finally looking at me with guilt and somber ridden eyes.

I suck in a breath and just stare at him. Words don't seem to be able to come out of my mouth.

"I need to say sorry. I need to own up to the tragedy I've caused." He continues.

I give a small smile before finally talking, "You know, ever since the promised day, I've become softer for some reason. I've realized just how fragile human life is. I've changed, we all have. And I know it's made us think more. It's made us question everything, after all, the entire country almost perished. But we can't get too soft now, it's only the beginning. We have Ishval to restore, and you have a country to attend to."

"That doesn't change the fact that I hurt you. And that doesn't change the fact that I nearly killed you. I hurt you, mentally and physically. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you." He says, his voice barely audible, barely talking in a hushed whisper.

"You didn't hurt me," I say, "none of this was your doing."

The colonel suddenly stands up and walks closer, facing me. He takes one of his hands and gently reaches out and touches my back, rubbing where my scar tissue is.

"What do you mean I didn't hurt you? Lieutenant, I ruined you. I ruined perfect skin. I made you deal with unbearable pain... and it was my doing alone. Not just an indirect consequence."

Before he can speak any more, I take his hand off my back and place it back by his side.

"You didn't ruin me sir. You saved me. You took away the burden placed in my hands, you set me free." I tell him, a few tears escape from my eyes as I finish speaking.

"I just, I'm done living with this constant guilt, but I've been too scared. Too selfish to admit what I did wrong. Because I didn't want to take any risks losing you. But I guess people leave no matter what huh." He tells me with a shaking breath, smiling weakly.

"But they don't have to. I won't leave your side until the the day I die. I promised my loyalty, and to break that promise would be to break my own word."

"But.. your back. I don't know how I even let myself do that. It's disgusting. Absolutely atrocious. I wish I'd never even studied with your twisted father!"

"You don't mean that... and you know it." I tell him.

"I just," He starts, running a hand through his hair in stress, "I'm supposed to help you to. You protect me, but I want to also protect you, and I failed."

"But-" I try to say, before I'm cut off with a hand on my waist.

"Can I?" I hear him ask. I look down and he has the seam of my shirt in his hands. I give him a light nod before he carefully pulls up my shirt and exposes my back.

The colonels fingers lightly brush the scars, and a shiver runs up and down my spine.

"I can't believe I did this." He says, choking back tears.

"Please don't beat yourself up over this sir." I whisper, and turn around, brushing my shirt back down to normal, "don't look at it if it makes you like this."

"But I need to be reminded of what I've done. I-I just, I'm so sorry Riza," I take in a breath after hearing him call me by my first name, "I don't deserve you. I truly don't."

I do what I have to. I wrap my arms around his torso and embrace him with all I have. He looks down in surprise only for a split second before returning my hug.

He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me, his body conveying his apology. And I tell him one last thing.

"You're okay. All is over, now- well, now we just need to move forward."


End file.
